While the Rest of the World "Talks Like a Pirate"

I'm going to SLAM EVIL like the Phantom!

Spawned from the inventive mind of Lee Falk in February 1936, (that's two years before Superman for those of you counting), the "Ghost Who Walks" and his dog Devil became the scourge of pirates everywhere.

I am officially renaming International Talk Like a Pirate Day to the more heroic International Act Like the Phantom Day. And the next time some one says to me, "show me yer booty ye swab," I'm going to whip out my twin .45s and gun em down in the street.

The Wheel of Time Turns: RIP Robert Jordan

As I was doing my daily internet routine yesterday, I came across some sad news at SF Signal. James Oliver Rigney, Jr., known by most as Fantasy author Robert Jordan, died yesterday of complications from primary amyloidosis with cardiomyopathy. For his fans, this news is devastating enough, but I think this also ranks as a major blow to Fantasy fiction.

In defending that statement let me say, that while I have read all of the published "Wheel of Time" books, I have never been a devoted fan of "Robert Jordan's" fantasy tales. I have been in many conversation with others who were critical of the series and usually agreed with their criticisms that the series was "derivative" and did little that is new in speculative fiction. I have also been frustrated by the long wait between novels and the apparent attempt by the author to leave no narrative strand resolved. Each book added new complications while rarely resolving the complications of prior books and each book was so convoluted that I often had to reread the entire series when a new book came out just to know what was going on in the most recent book.

Those words above don't seem to be those that would be written by someone who believes that the loss of Rigney, at a relatively young age I might add, is a tragic loss to the Fantasy genre. But that is exactly how I feel.

Though I primarily read the books so that I could discuss them with friends who were more devoted, and enthusiastic, fans than I, I read them and as I did so I noticed something magical about the works.

What's this? Magic in something I found flawed? Yes, magical.

These were books which were wonderful introductions, surveys if you will, to the entirety of speculative fiction. By using the most common trope, the young boy on a quest, as the foundation of the story and adding elements from across speculative fiction, Rigney created a series that was the perfect gateway series into the hobby. His series was the perfect "second series" to recommend to potential Fantasy fans who wanted to know what to read when they were done with Lord of the Rings. Yes, his "world" borrowed liberally from the tropes established in that canonical series, but he also introduced tropes from other sf/fantasy tales. Do you want a series that makes Dune less daunting to the new reader? Explain to them how the Bene Gesserit are similar to the Aes Sedai and that Paul Atreides is similar to Rand al'Thor, heck there are even devoted bedouin tribe awaiting the arrival of a messianic figure. "Wheel of Time" borrowed from Dune as well as The Lord of the Rings. The list doesn't stop there. It could include Milton's Paradise Lost, the whole King Arthur ouevre, Susan Cooper, Ursula LeGuin. Name an author of speculative fiction, and Rigney probably melded some of their concepts into his fiction.

This was intentional. The "Wheel of Time" was supposed to be a "collective myth" which mirrored all other possible myths. In writing this series Rigney created a sampler of the fantasy and science fiction genres. If you could read and enjoy "The Wheel of Time," you would most certainly enjoy the fiction of other, arguably more proficient, writers of speculative fiction.

"Robert Jordan" was a gift to the fantasy field. He was a regularly best selling author whose works pointed to other works by which one could expand their appreciation of speculative fiction. At least he was when I talked with my friends. I have never been one to criticize my friend's tastes in fantasy, only to find what they enjoy and to use those as springboards for new adventures. In conversations with my friends who are fans of "Jordan," I found near limitless opportunity to recommend further readings. Friends who read "Jordan" on a lark, because he was a best selling author, became long time fans of sf/f after discussing the novels with me.

That is a great gift to the genre and one which I am sad to see go. This leaves two authors who have left unfinished fantasy sagas in the past year. David Gemmell passed away before he could finish his exciting retelling of the Trojan War, and now it appears that "Robert Jordan" has passed away before finishing his epic saga.

You can discuss your thoughts regarding this and other topics with me on my radio show geekerati tonight at 7pm pacific.

My Childhood Dreams are Coming True. A Tron Sequel is in the Works.

Every now and then we here at Cinerati get an exclusive interview. After reading in the Hollywood Reporter that a sequel to Tron was in the works, I rushed to my Rolodex and pulled up the name of someone with an intimate connection with the project.

I'd like all of you to welcome our guest today. Our good friend Bit will be answering our questions regarding the new Tron film.

Hi Bit, are you excited about the new "Tron" sequel being produced by Sean Bailey and Steven Lisberger?


YES

Do you know who will be directing the movie?


YES

Can you tell us the name of the person who will be directing the movie?


NO

Do you really know who will direct the movie?


YES, YES, YES, YES!

But you still can't tell us his name?


NO

Why not?



Hmm...oh, that's right you can only answer yes or no questions, correct?


YES

That being the case, I don't want to try and wrangle too much information out of you. I guess those who want to know more ought to just read Borys Kit's article over at the Hollywood Reporter right?


YES, YES, YES, YES!

After you all read the article. If you want to talk about it, you can join us over at Geekerati on Monday night at 7pm Pacific.

Shoot 'Em Up: Can we decide if this is an action comedy or an ironic complaint please?

I watch a lot of movies, which means I watch some good movies and a lot of bad movies. The two worst movies I have seen this year are Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (on the small screen) and Shoot 'Em Up (on the big screen). The fact that I watched Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter in the first place should be a hint that I am not exactly a snob when it comes to the movies I watch and love. Hawk the Slayer is one of my all time favorite films after all. But my love of cheesy films doesn't change the fact that not only is Shoot 'Em Up not a good movie, it isn't even a fun movie.

Let me give you a quick rundown of the plot.

BEGIN SYNOPSIS --The film opens with LONE WOLF, not the character's name but the character's type (Clive Owen), sitting at a bus bench waiting for public transit. Suddenly, a pregnant woman, quickly followed by a horde of thugs, runs by LONE WOLF. LONE WOLF follows, helps lady give birth to CUB (by shooting the umbilical cord with a gun no less), and enters into a 3-Day (90 minutes our time) gunfight while trying to protect CUB from the DAIMYO's assassin (Paul Giamatti) and his legion of underlings. While protecting CUB, LONE WOLF recruits LACTATING PROSTITUTE to feed CUB (CUB's mother dies early on in the continual gunfight) while the 90 minute gunfight ensues. The gunfight goes from one level of extreme action to another, raising the stakes as far as it can (sometimes to absurd levels), but finally reaching a plateau and arguably a decline after a parachuting gun battle where the thugs become a thunderstorm's worth of "corpse-drops." END SYNOPSIS

So far, the film sounds like it could be a great amount of mindless fun inspired by every action film we have ever seen. Everything from Hard Boiled to The Spy Who Loved Me are referenced in the action sequences (there's even a nod to Snakes on a Plane), which brings me to my criticism. This film cannot decide whether it is a rip roaring action comedy like Kung Fu Hustle, which plays with tropes, or if it is Hot Shots: Part Deux. The film stumbles between wonderful action and bizarre spoof.

Whether it is the name of the lactating prostitute, DQ -- you know for Dairy Queen, or the protagonists absurd addiction to carrots and Bugs Bunny quotation, the film continually inserts jokes which detract from the action narrative rather than add to it. The director can't even decide whether he is attempting to give us a visual argument why Clive Owen should have been James Bond or whether he is making fun of the Bond character (the opening gunfight has a Walther reference).

Even the action sequences, which are the best part of the film, finally reach a point of saturation. At some point the director ran out of ideas regarding how to out do the action in the previous scene. From my point of view, that would be about the time of the "corpsedrops" falling on my head scene. The parachuting gunfight is brilliant, but what follows seems dull in comparison. The film lacks a sense of pace and when the action stops, which doesn't include the sex scene during which the gunfight continues, it is to insert some really bizarre imagery. The highest example being when Paul Giamatti milks the breast of the dead pregnant woman. Another being the fact that the cause of the gunfight is due to the DAIMYO needing the baby for a marrow transplant and of his entire "baby factory" only one came out compatible.

If Shoot 'Em Up is an homage to John Woo, then it is an homage to the "Say You're Impotent" scene at the end of Hard Boiled which forgets that the best part of that film was the tension regarding the undercover cop and whether or not he will survive.

I like Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti and I think that Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world. But even given those factors, I can't recommend Shoot 'Em Up unless you don't find being stabbed through the brain with a half eaten carrot to be to implausible. If that is the case, you might just enjoy it. As for saying, "I'll just catch it on DVD," let me just say the following. If you are going to see Shoot 'Em Up, make sure you see it on the big screen. It is a bad movie, that is only made worse by watching it on the small screen. Any scene that it has worth seeing, must be seen on the big screen.

Ah, Sweet Nostalgia.

I want my...I want my...I want my YouTv...

I remember the early days of Music Television. You remember right? Back when they still played music and videos. One of my favorite songs was the Buggles "Video Killed the Radio Star." Watch the above video and you might see why.

Thanks to Jackie Danicki for pointing this one out.

Are You Ready to Ruuuuuummmmbbbllllle (Sacriligiously?!)

Then it's time for a little Bible Fight action.

Hat Tip to Greg Costikyan's Play This Thing site.

The Latest Gamer Meme: How Many Do You Own?

Since the announcement, and release at Gen Con, of Hobby Games: The 100 Best there has been a running meme where gamers list which games within the 100 they own and/or play. Never one to give up an opportunity to brag regarding my gaming and gaming collection, I thought that I would join in the fun.

The format that has become common in this meme is to take the full list of 100 games and italicize those that one owns and italicize and bold those that you both own and have played. I won't be doing that. I want to add some brief thoughts as to what I think of those games I own, and/or have played, so I will be doing several posts instead of the one.

Today, I taking the first 15 games and later posts will cover the remainder of the list.

1. Bruce C. Shelley on Acquire: I picked up the most recent edition of this classic Sid Sackson boardgame when it was part of a liquidation sale at a local Wizards of the Coast store, back in the day. In the years that I have owned the game, I have yet to open it. From what I have read, and heard, about the game, I am doing myself a great disservice. I fully plan on playing this game, when and if I can convince my gaming group to take another weekend off from roleplaying.



2. Nicole Lindroos on Amber Diceless: As a "how to" guide for gamemastering a roleplaying game, this product is amazing. As an actual roleplaying game itself...yawn. It is a great setting, and the bidding war during character creation is genius, but the "whoever is better wins unless player/gm are super-creative" system of resolution is kind of a cop out. If you have a great GM of a particular breed, this is a great game. If you have a great GM of a different breed or an average GM, this game can be awful. All of which is a pure product of the rules. To be honest "better person wins unless it advances the story or meets GM/Player whim" isn't a game system, it's storytelling guidelines. Once Upon A Time is as much a roleplaying game as Amber. That said, let me re-emphasize that the gamemastering techniques section of the rulebook were, and are still, ground breaking.



3. Ian Livingstone on Amun-Re



4. Stewart Wieck on Ars Magica: This was the first real "story driven" rpg I ever played. The system was simple when it needed to be, technical when it needed to be, and arcane when dealing with magic. The games that are "legacies" of Ars Magica are legion, all the Storyteller books for example, yet most lack the simple fun of this game. This was another game with a great section on GM-ing.



5. Thomas M. Reid on Axis & Allies: This is the game, more than any other, that made me like wargaming. It isn't the most robust of wargames, but it is easy to play and understand and translates its subject well into rules format. Sure it takes hours to set up and possibly days to play, but I have some fond memories of this game. Memories which are only surpassed by my Broadsides and Boarding Parties memories.


Tracy Hickman on Battle Cry: Prior to playing this game, I imagined that all wargames needed to take a long time to play, but the Command and Colors system utilized in this game proved me wrong. The rules are simple and swift, the game almost takes longer to set up than play, and you can simulate numerous battles of the Civil War in an afternoon. This game is why I bought Battlelore.


6. Philip Reed on BattleTech: My parents would have been happier if I hadn't discovered this game my Junior year of high school. Between work, baseball, and BattleTech, I didn't spend a lot of time with family. I still have yet to play the game with miniatures instead of cardboard stand ups though.



7. Justin Achilli on Blood Bowl: The most recent edition, especially whatever digital rulebook is currently available, might be the most balanced and fastest playing version, but give me the crazy Second Edition with the Astrogranite gameboard and the crazy expansion books any day of the week. I want to roll numbers, not symbols. I just think the second edition did a better job of conveying the background and feel of the game, and that's why I keep coming back.



8. Mike Selinker on Bohnanza



9. Tom Dalgliesh on Britannia: I'm still waiting for a chance to play my beautiful Fantasy Flight Games edition.



10. Greg Stolze on Button Men: A game you can play anywhere, at anytime, like while wandering through the convention halls? I'm in. This is a simple game to play that is just great, cheap, silly, fun.



11. Monte Cook on Call of Cthulhu: Universally accepted as the "best" horror rpg. This is more due to the source material (and the excellent written adventures) than the rules, though those are serviceable. The one innovation that set this apart from games before it, and which has been poorly imitated later, is the addition of sanity rules by which player's characters can go mad, mad, mad I tell you. Not a great game for "campaign" play, but if it were would players ever actually be able to feel the "fear" that ought to be a part of a horror game?



12. Steven E. Schend on Carcassonne: I am still waiting to crack open my copy of this game. Though I hear it is one of the great "gateway" games.



13. Jeff Tidball on Car Wars: The summer after 8th grade had my friends, and me, blowing the living snot out of one another in our post-apocalyptic automobiles. I couldn't watch Mad Max without immediately wanting to play a follow up Car Wars game.



14. Bill Bridges on Champions: You wouldn't know it from the current edition, but this game was once much easier to learn than D&D. Champions was the first superhero rpg I ever played, and it has set the benchmark against which all others are governed. I believe that earlier editions were more free-form and left more room for on the fly creativity. The current rules set has become very "granular" and players often take a "What is on the character sheet is what you can do approach" that wasn't emphasized in older editions. That said, this is still a great game and the best "war game" simulation of super heroic combat ever crafted. As far as playing it as an rpg, I take mine Mutants and Masterminds (though it is becoming a little to granular) or DC Heroes (my favorite superhero rpg) now. But I have to say...those days of Rob saying, "Meanwhile...back at the ranch--Pachew, Bang, Pachew," those are priceless.