Monday, September 19, 2005

For I am the Pirate King!


Written by W. S. Gilbert
Composed by Arthur Sullivan
KING
Oh, better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly,
Than play a sanctimonious part,
With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
Away to the cheating world go you,
Where pirates all are well-to-do;
But I’ll be true to the song I sing,
And live and die a Pirate King.

For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!

For I am a Pirate King!
CHORUS
You are!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!
KING
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

CHORUS
It is!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!

KING AND CHORUS
Hurrah for the/our Pirate King!

KING
When I sally forth to seek my prey
I help myself in a royal way.
I sink a few more ships, it’s true,
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;
But many a king on a first-class throne,
If he wants to call his crown his own,
Must manage somehow to get through
More dirty work than ever I do,

For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!

For I am a Pirate King!
CHORUS
You are!
Hurrah for the Pirate King!
KING
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.
CHORUS
It is!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!

KING AND CHORUS
Hurrah for the/our Pirate King!

Another Remake that Didn't Need to Be Made, but I Will See Anyway.

According to Contact Music the classic horror film The Omen is being remade. This time starring Liev Schreiber (He's dreamy!)and Julia Stiles as the happy parents of the Devil's child.

The original starred Hollywood heavy Gregory Peck and was directed by Richard Donner back when he could still direct (Superman, Ladyhawke, Lethal Weapon, The Omen...a list anyone would be proud of). Sadly, Donner appears to have lost the ability to direct anything appealing. Case in point? Timeline. Little had I known that 14th Century European cities looked like cheap sets. I thought they looked more like this (that the "Middle Ages" weren't primative was a point of the novel):



Anyway...the new movie will be directed by John Moore (Behind Enemy Lines and the Flight of the Phoenix remake), so this version might become an action packed extravaganza. Well...based on Behind Enemy Lines at least.

Swords and Skulls --- A Boardgame Review in Honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

As was mentioned in a previous post, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It is only fitting that on such an auspicious day we here at Cinerati should do a review of material related to pirates and piracy. One could easily do a positive review of Pirates for the PC/Xbox, but if you don't own the game you are no true pirate fan! It is a must have.

No...we here at Cinerati want to guide you into places you may not have looked before to be entertained, while at the same time not being so obscure as to be overly arcane and alienate the novice gamer. With that in mind, we would like to present the following review of the Sword and Skull boardgame published by Hasbro under their Avalon Hill label.



Sword and Skull is a simple "Track Game" for two to five players with an entertaining premise:

The nefarious Pirate King has stolen Her Majesty's Ship, the Sea Hammer, pride of the Royal Navy. Furious, the Queen has offered a great reward to the person who can retrieve it. As one of the advisors to the Queen, you have chosen an officer of the Royal Navy to pursue the Pirate King. Of course, it might take a thief to catch a thief, so you've also conscripted a vicioius pirate from the Queen's dungeons.

Now they are preparing to enter the dreaded Lair of the Pirate King. Will one of them be the first to recover the Sea Hammer? Or will one of your rivals receive the Queen's reward instead?


Each player in the game is in control of two "Avatars," one Pirate and one Loyal Captain, who must find a way to bring the Sea Hammer back to the Queen. There are two ways to achieve this goal. The player can either raise enough gold to bribe the Pirate King to return the ship, or the player can defeat the Pirate King in combat forcing him to return the ship. The goals may be simple, but the accomplishing of them is not for it is good to be the Pirate King. Player's start out with little money and even less skill at arms. So each player must work their way around the track encountering various fortunes/dangers until they have sufficient lucre or puissance to attain the goal.

The "track" element of the game requires the players to move around the track in a clockwise fashion and encounter the "space." This element of the game is like a combination of Monopoly and Games Workshop's famous questing game Talisman. Sword and Skull at the same time lacks the complexity of either the games it borrows from, and adds innovation to each. It is an interesting paradox, but one that is true. As the players work around the board (pictured below), they encounter various "space" types. The two most common are "settlements" and "caves."



At settlement squares the player can recruit crew to assist in the defeat of the Pirate king. These crew members are an absolute necessity and come in three types. "Money grinders," which are similar to property in Monopoly, provide the player with gold each time another player lands on a settlement matching the color of the money grinder and everytime the player passes the fort (think Go in Monopoly. What separates money grinders from property is that only the color of space matters and not the specific name of the individual square. Some settlements have three or four squares and if you have a money grinder for the settlement you are paid by the player landing their. Naturally, multiple players may have grinders at the same settlements. The second type of character is the "buffer" who adds combat skill to either your Navy Captain or your Pirate Captain (this is distinguished by a symbol on the card). Finally, there are crew who are both money grinders and buffers. Recruiting the right crew can lead to rapid victory, but it can also irritate other players.

At caves players encounter various "monsters." These range from the simple Crocodile to Pirate Skeletons. This type of encounter is nothing surprising to your average "quest game" fan, but they have added an innovation. The difficulty of defeating each challange is based on the size of your crew, your total crew. So if your Pirate Captain has to battle a Siren and you have 6 crew members you will have a tough challenge. This is especially true if all 6 of your crew are money grinders or Navy Captain buffers. So it helps to have a balanced crew. Defeating challenges gets you items and gold, items usually help you in combat and gold helps the bribe victory.

The games that I have played were fast and furious. The rules were clear enough that any inter-player bickering was due to cards which allow one player to "steal" items from another player (note: while this adds variety to games it can add "meanness"). The end game was close and all players had a chance to win during the last stages of the game. The game is simple and combines elements from board game classics. Of the two possible victory outcomes, the most rewarding seems to be combatting the Pirate King. This is true even though the more innovative of the two is to win by bribery. At the beginning of the game everyone knows how tough the Pirate King is, but no one knows how much it will take to bribe him until the end of the game.

Click on Photo of Game Box for PDF copy of the rules from the Hasbro site.

Blow the Man Down!

We'll be havin' no mutineeeers over this! Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! So fer you scurvy dogs who sayz that Ninjas are keener than wotz Pirates is...remember ye these three things.

  1. Thar be no good Ninja movies. Ninja III the Domination?! Yar, ha, ha! Thar be many good Pirate movies, even recent ones like Pirates of the Carribbean! 'Tis true thar be bad pirate movies, and I enjoys me me Ninja films as much as the next mate, but I wouldn't say a one of them war good!
  2. Thar be no International Talk Like a Ninja day and if thar war, no one would be talkin'.
  3. Dead Men Tell No Tales!

Now staaart taaalking like a Pirate or walk tha plank!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Will "Losers" be a Box Office Winner



Peter Berg, director of the Rundown and Friday Night Lights, has signed on to write and produce a film version of the "Losers." According to the Reuters article the movie will apparently deal with the original, rather than the modern Vertigo, version of the characters. The modern version is a pretty good "update," and I understand why they updated the narrative according to current Vertigo writerAndy Diggle:

Our initial plan was to reuinite the original Losers for a story set in the 1950s; but we decided that American Century and Garth Ennis' War Stories were too similar in style and subject matter, so we reinvented it for the present day.

Plus the original guys all died, and nobody wants to get caught up in a continuity minefield.


Given that they orignal Losers died in Zero Hour and again in DC's New Frontier mini-series, I wouldn't have seen any real continuity problems with having them live again, but I can understand the hesitation.

The original Losers, along with Haunted Tank, were a regular feature in G.I. Combat magazine. Those of you who are Roy Lichtenstein fans will note that the images in his painting "Okay, Hot-Shot" are reminiscent of Russ Heath's work in G.I. Combat #94 (a Haunted Tank story) and All-American Men of War #89. Irv Novick, who drew the All-American #89 image "was Lichtenstein's superior officer in 1947 in an army unit assigned to create posters of military life" (Daniels, DC Comics 60 Years of the World's Favorite Comic Book Heroes page 149).


Lichtenstein's "Okay Hot-Shot"


Russ Heath G.I Combat # 94 (Original in Color, this image B/W)


Irv Novick All-American Men of War #89 (Original in Color, this image B/W)

If you look carefully you can see that the line art in the comic book versions is very sophisticated.

Directing Great Passes Away

This week my wife and I received one of my favorite movies in the mail from Netflix. With great joy I opened the envelope and pulled out The Haunting, one of the greatest classic ghost stories in the history of film, and discussed plans with my wife about when we would view the film.



Let me make an aside here for a moment. My wife and I like to play a "fantasy game" that can only be called "write a letter to a celebrity." When we were getting married we fantasized about writing William Shatner a letter inviting him to our festive wedding day. We laughed about the puzzled look Mr. Shatner's assistant, or possibly even he, would have upon reading the invitation. "Just who are these people?" he might say. "Should I send them a gift, or should I attend in person?" We had a great deal of fun with this and other such imaginings. There are a number of celebrities I have imagined writing letters to, thanking them for the ways in which they had entertained me. But I never actually send the letters, or even write them, because I know that people value their privacy.

But I wish that I had written Robert Wise, who died of heart failure Wednesday, to tell him of how much he has entertained me as a film viewer (a very good obit can be found here). I love the Sound of Music and The Day the Earth Stood Still is one of the greatest science fiction films of all time. I was even stunned recently at how well the special effects in Star Trek: The Motion Picture hold up even by modern standards. I may jokingly, and half seriously, refer to the movie as Star Trek: The Slo-motion Picture, but the visuals are stunning and his use of effects remarkable. The model of the Enterprise looks better in this movie than the space ships in the most recent Star Wars films, now that is saying something.

My favorite of his uses of special effects is in the movie The Haunting, when Russ Tamblyn (Riff of West Side Story, another Wise masterpiece) breath crystallizes in a hallway. The localized special effect is remarkable, you see him blow out his breath in one part of the frame, but no "fog" in any other part of the frame.

So...Thank you Robert Wise for a wonderful collection of films. May people be entertained by them for decades to come.

Ordnung! Ordnung! Ordnung! You must look efficient, rooselessly and coldly efficient.

According to the Associated Press:

Germans were ordered Thursday to stay serious when having their photographs taken for new passports, wiping away any grins, smirks or smiles so that biometric scanners can pick up their facial features.


You read that correctly, Germans are prohibited from smiling in Driver's License photos to make it so security devices can correctly identify them. You may think that this is bizarre, or even restrictive. You would be wrong.

Anyone who has seen Aquirre: The Wrath of God or Schultze Gets the Blues knows that the natural emotional state of the German people is dour and humorless. Since Germans don't smile, except when they emigrate to America, the sophisticated biometric scanners would be baffled and unable to identify the features of any smiling Goths.

Oh, and don't let that silhouette with a "jump in his step" on the cover of Schultze fool you, only a German could consider that film a light-hearted, fast-paced, comedy.