Brave new old world…

Hello Cinerati citizens! It’s been awhile since I have posted a guest article, but with the permission of Christian and company, Uncle Loophole would to say a few things. I think Cinerati is the best place for this discussion, as television and entertainment on the internet is an occasional topic. As most visitors to The Shelf are aware, we work hard to bring to you a weekly media roundup. We wade through the morass of media releases for the week and give you our highlights and picks, whether it’s music, DVD releases, books, games, or television. These are our picks for the week and, of course, they sometimes reflect our interests and taste. We do a lot of legwork for this weekly “public service” (see- I just made myself seem all…civic minded and stuff!), and it does take some time. I’m going to let you in on some behind the scenes “footage”, if you will (maybe, one day, soon to be available on The Shelf DVD as a featurette) , and let you see what goes into it: a lot of reading and research. That’s mostly it. Yes, we get to preview and screen a few DVDs, but most of the films we’ve seen before so we do rely on lots of industry information, research, and tips from our operatives in the field. These aren’t reviews; these are our picks that we recommend that our readers give a try.

I bring this up because a fairly recent discovery has aided and abetted in our endeavors as of late: AOL. Yes, that AOL. Well, specifically AOL Music. You see, every week on AOL Music, you can preview selected new CD releases (in their entirety) for a week. The next week, new releases are available for a listen. We’re able to really review several new CD’s for our Media Roundup a day before they drop in stores. I can listen to several of them during normal earth work hours, and then recommend my choices and review them for you. I usually provide a link so that you can see them for yourself. I know that perhaps most of you are saying to yourself; “Gee, Uncle Loophole, we know this already. We’ve been listening to Ludacris all week!” I understand that may be the case, but let’s consider the bigger picture for a moment. Ludacris, huh? Hmmm..

The end result is this: If I am not able to figure out if a CD is worth buying, I can preview it. I also get to sample music from artists I’m not familiar with or even listen to genres I’m not used to buying. I get comments and email from readers who have mentioned they have gone out to purchase a CD or DVD that we have recommended. Some of them have even stated they have listened to the CD on AOL Music for free that week. Did you catch that? They went out and purchased a CD after they were able to listen to it for free for a whole week. It’s rather elementary, really, and I think that it is just the latest in what we are seeing on the internet in this age of digital media.

Not too long ago this form of free digital entertainment was strictly verboten. Now things are a little different. It has become a smart business model. Companies show upward spikes in sales when the preview model is applied. It’s not revolutionary; it’s just now really being applied to digital entertainment. In fact, this is really old hat… with a new sheen. AOL music has recently revamped their music site and is now offering song downloads for a price, and subscription-based internet radio stations (think XM). Think of the CD listening party as a service that draws in potential customers, not just to purchase on AOL Music, but really anywhere. AOL is not the only one; Apple and Amazon are on the same path. And it’s not just about offering free previews and services. They know that while entertainment is ageless, the way to access it is not. With new forms of electronic gadgetry available every year, the masses are able to access many forms of entertainment at work, at home, in the car, on the plane, or subway. Don’t get me started on storage. Heck, with the right gadgets, even when you are at summer camp in the wilderness you don’t have to be uncivilized. Thank goodness for that. Finally, being the nerd at summer camp has advantages!

As Christian has discussed before, television has been in on the act as well. CBS, NBC, and ABC are all putting episodes and web-only shows online mostly for free. I enjoy CBS’s Innertube, although I think they need to work out the kinks and make it even more user-friendly. It’s nice to be able to watch some of the current week’s episodes after they have aired. What’s the attraction with that? This past Tuesday night I missed the latest episode of NCIS. I love NCIS and The Unit. Tuesday nights is one of the few nights that I sit down and watch television. Sometimes, other, more important things come up. No worries. The next day, during a well deserved lunch break, I sat down to eat, and through the courtesy of CBS and Innertube, I watched the NCIS episode I missed the night before. Again, this isn’t revolutionary. The show was free to begin with, and reruns happen all the time. I could have watched it for free, oh… sometime next year. But through the Networks making shows available on the web, I was able to catch up before the next episode. This is increasingly important to producers, as serial shows are increasing in popularity. Shows like Lost, or even newer shows like Kidnapped or Smith, rely on viewers keeping up with the ongoing storyline.



With Ipod, Apple and Disney are providing even more ways to get digital entertainment in television and movies wherever you may be. Microsoft is not one to be left out when money is to be made. They recently announced their own media player, Zune (above) set for launch in November. Zune has some exciting changes with more focus on wireless capabilities and being software and content driven. Being able to share files with other Zune owners with WiFi technology will be cool. Heck, even Sony is getting television downloads to your PSP. With the disappointing performance of UMDs, this is a way to affirm Sony’s vision of the PSP as an all-in-one portable entertainment device.

With digital forms of entertainment growing larger in number, and the ways of accessing it increasing everyday, providers are pushing themselves further beyond conventional business models. They need to get our ear, catch our eye and make us aware of what they have to offer. Again, this isn't necessarily new. It's a familiar business approach, but applied in a new way. Will organizations like the MPAA and RIAA get what's happening or will they continue to be increasingly archaic and fight home entertainment and every new way to access it? Who knows? In the meantime, we can increasingly find ways to get content that doesn’t involve going to the music store, big box retailer, or Movie Theater. At the same time, providers are also finding ways to utilize technology to reach semi-luddites like myself, who still like to go to the music store or DVD section of the local big box retailer to browse. In simple terms, just because one of my favorite pastimes is going to the local bookstore and actually reading a physical book, that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate being able to read an excerpt or find out what I can online, before I buy. What social implications this may have as far a societal interaction and the like, I can’t pretend to fully know. I suspect that some of what the soothsayers have been saying may be true and some of it- not so much. Humans still have the need for contact and each other. It’s just that sometimes it’s nice to be able to get the latest album from our favorite artist without having to drive and fight crowds.

Don’t forget to visit us over at The Shelf. See you there!


This commentary is the responsibility of J.C. Loophole and not the editors at Cinerati, who generally have more sense than Mr. Loophole possesses. Their willingness to allow him to post here can be interpreted as a case of charity, and in the long run, folly. Along with Wolf Flywheel, J.C. Loophole is the proprietor of The Shelf; a daily excursion into an eclectic mix of cinema, pop culture, history, politics, nostalgia, and recently, Halloween candy. Hey, we didn’t say it made sense; we just said it was fun.

Doing Our Part for the Neglected Ninja

As you all know, Talk Like a Pirate Day happened earlier this week. I personally think that pirate holidays, particularly ones with "talking," are discriminatory against ninjas. The parallel holiday would, after all, have to be "be quiet like a ninja day" and who wants to be silent for a whole day?

How fun is that?

So to combat anti-ninjatism, I offer you Ask A Ninja. A good a place as any to start, is with the ninja view of podcasting, which according to the ninja is more exciting than watching wood be wood.

After watching the videos, I am sure you will agree that every ninja has Strong Bad as a role model.

Spreading the Grudge: Interactive Marketing

Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures is taking an interactive approach to marketing their upcoming film The Grudge 2. In the film, as in the first Grudge, ghosts from an eerie house in Tokyo seek to spread terror to anyone who has visited the house, or who knows anyone who has. In the film's universe, the terror of the Grudge should come into contact with all of us, like a disease. Ghost House Pictures has decided to simulate the film's "haunting" and incorporate it into their marketing.

You can now receive surprise phone calls from Kayako or Toshio, the creepy spirits who bring death and madness to those they haunt, by registering at the official website. Better yet, you can sign your friends up and freak them out. You can also view non-platform specific mini-films to your computer or mobile phone. Raimi and crew call these, non-platform specific blipverts (that's a Max Headroom reference if you were wondering) "anysodes" because they can catch up to you anywhere.

I enjoyed the first US version of the Grudge, though one scene was very reminiscent of the old SNL "Land Shark" skit and made me laugh out loud.

Sword and Skull -- A Boardgame Review in Honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day in honor of which ABC's Wife Swap featured the Baur family last night (John Baur is a co-founder of Talk Like a Pirate Day). It is only fitting that on such an auspicious day we here at Cinerati should do a review of material related to pirates and piracy. One could easily do a positive review of Pirates for the PC/Xbox, but if you don't own the game you are no true pirate fan! It is a must have.

No...we here at Cinerati want to guide you into places you may not have looked before to be entertained, while at the same time not being so obscure as to be overly arcane and alienate the novice gamer. With that in mind, we would like to present the following review of the Sword and Skull boardgame published by Hasbro under their Avalon Hill label.



Sword and Skull is a simple "Track Game" for two to five players with an entertaining premise:

The nefarious Pirate King has stolen Her Majesty's Ship, the Sea Hammer, pride of the Royal Navy. Furious, the Queen has offered a great reward to the person who can retrieve it. As one of the advisors to the Queen, you have chosen an officer of the Royal Navy to pursue the Pirate King. Of course, it might take a thief to catch a thief, so you've also conscripted a vicioius pirate from the Queen's dungeons.

Now they are preparing to enter the dreaded Lair of the Pirate King. Will one of them be the first to recover the Sea Hammer? Or will one of your rivals receive the Queen's reward instead?

Each player in the game is in control of two "Avatars," one Pirate and one Loyal Captain, who must find a way to bring the Sea Hammer back to the Queen. There are two ways to achieve this goal. The player can either raise enough gold to bribe the Pirate King to return the ship, or the player can defeat the Pirate King in combat forcing him to return the ship. The goals may be simple, but the accomplishing of them is not for it is good to be the Pirate King. Player's start out with little money and even less skill at arms. So each player must work their way around the track encountering various fortunes/dangers until they have sufficient lucre or puissance to attain the goal.

The "track" element of the game requires the players to move around the track in a clockwise fashion and encounter the "space." This element of the game is like a combination of Monopoly and Games Workshop's famous questing game Talisman. Sword and Skull at the same time lacks the complexity of either the games it borrows from, and adds innovation to each. It is an interesting paradox, but one that is true. As the players work around the board (pictured below), they encounter various "space" types. The two most common are "settlements" and "caves."



At settlement squares the player can recruit crew to assist in the defeat of the Pirate king. These crew members are an absolute necessity and come in three types. "Money grinders," which are similar to property in Monopoly, provide the player with gold each time another player lands on a settlement matching the color of the money grinder and everytime the player passes the fort (think Go in Monopoly. What separates money grinders from property is that only the color of space matters and not the specific name of the individual square. Some settlements have three or four squares and if you have a money grinder for the settlement you are paid by the player landing their. Naturally, multiple players may have grinders at the same settlements. The second type of character is the "buffer" who adds combat skill to either your Navy Captain or your Pirate Captain (this is distinguished by a symbol on the card). Finally, there are crew who are both money grinders and buffers. Recruiting the right crew can lead to rapid victory, but it can also irritate other players.

At caves players encounter various "monsters." These range from the simple Crocodile to Pirate Skeletons. This type of encounter is nothing surprising to your average "quest game" fan, but they have added an innovation. The difficulty of defeating each challange is based on the size of your crew, your total crew. So if your Pirate Captain has to battle a Siren and you have 6 crew members you will have a tough challenge. This is especially true if all 6 of your crew are money grinders or Navy Captain buffers. So it helps to have a balanced crew. Defeating challenges gets you items and gold, items usually help you in combat and gold helps the bribe victory.

The games that I have played were fast and furious. The rules were clear enough that any inter-player bickering was due to cards which allow one player to "steal" items from another player (note: while this adds variety to games it can add "meanness"). The end game was close and all players had a chance to win during the last stages of the game. The game is simple and combines elements from board game classics. Of the two possible victory outcomes, the most rewarding seems to be combatting the Pirate King. This is true even though the more innovative of the two is to win by bribery. At the beginning of the game everyone knows how tough the Pirate King is, but no one knows how much it will take to bribe him until the end of the game.

Click on Photo of Game Box for PDF copy of the rules from the Hasbro site.

LYT Does Sketch Comedy

Black Dahlia Without the Hyperbole.

Since today is the release date for the Black Dahlia movie, only 59 years and 9 months after the body was found, and since this means a lot of you in the interwebs are looking for some information regarding the Black Dahlia murder and how well the movie portrays history, I am offering some links to what I think is a reasonable analysis.

First, a little background. Like most people, I had a vague knowledge of what the Black Dahlia murder was, but hadn't become wrapped up in its mystique. Then last year I attended an LA Press Club event regarding the Donald Wolfe book The Black Dahlia Files: The Mob, The Mogul, and the Murder That Transfixed Los Angeles where Wolfe reveals his theory that Bugsy Segal was behind the murder because Norman Chandler wanted to cover up a pregnancy. I thought the theory was crazy, still do, but it got me looking around the interweb looking for better information.

That's when I found Larry Harnisch's blog (Harnisch is essentially the Los Angeles Times "Black Dahlia Guy" and his methodology is rigorous) where he decimates the Wolfe book and provides robust analysis of the murder. Harnisch also has a site dedicated to his own theory about the murder. Harnisch also has a piece in today's LA Times, as does James Ellroy.

You can find a lot of crazy stuff on the web, so stick with the links above and you'll better be able to view the film critically.

Speaking of the Interwebonetosphere as TV

This Fall Season appears to be the season of internet premieres and internet support of television. Cinerati has already reported that CBS will be using its Innertube streaming video site to support its more serial television shows (CSI:Miami, Jericho, and Survivor will be available for viewing on the site)>.

It looks like other networks will be following the lead and offering network content on the internet, according to today's Hollywood Reporter. The methods of raising money, and show selection, vary from network to network, but one thing is clear...your PC (or Mac) has become another television. This PC television has one major advantage over your regular TV, and no it isn't the higher possible screen resolution (though that is cool too). You can use your computer to watch the shows you want, when you want. On demand TV is being test marketed this season and it is an exciting time. With products like "Gold Rush" being marketed on AOL, can a major show/ARG be far behind?

Here is a list of the big three network sites and the shows they will be offering:

CBS -- Innertube

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "CSI: Miami," "CSI: NY," "Jericho," "NCIS," "Numbers" and "Survivor" will be posted on Innertube the morning following their initial network broadcast. Episodes of the three "CSI" series, "NCIS" and "Numbers" will be available for four weeks while episodes of "Jericho" and "Survivor" will remain available on the broadband channel all season.

NBC -- I thought they were going to be limited to the "Netflix Premiere," but they decided to show me that they want to live in the now as well. Just click on the NBC 24/7 button at the NBC site.

The current player will begin exhibiting the new series Monday, but the NBC 24/7 branding won't kick in until Oct. 1.

Four episodes of the new comedies "30 Rock" and "Twenty Good Years" will be available, while eight episodes of the dramas "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," "Kidnapped," "Friday Night Lights" and "Heroes" will as well.

ABC -- In addition to their partnership with Apple which will allow you to download episodes for a fee, ABC is supporting an ad supported streaming network. I am very excited about their new show Ugly Betty.

Disney-ABC Television Group is returning its ad-supported player Sept. 23 with an even bigger lineup of series than it featured when the network first experimented with the technology in the spring. Seven series, including "Lost," "Ugly Betty" and "Six Degrees," will be featured four episodes at a time as well as "The Nine," the Warner Bros. TV series ABC secured through a separate deal that the companies announced Tuesday (HR 9/12).

Burgandy Skies already mentioned that her munchkin can watch Spongebob ad infinitum online, but this article doesn't want to delve to deep into how much content is going to be offered from the cable world. Let's just say...this is an exciting time to be a consumer, unless you are indecisive and don't like choices.

Supernova, Drunk on Tranya, Picks Lukas Rossi

Remember the Carbomite Maneuver? Remember the wierdly made up and bizarre looking Clint Howard who was somehow entrancing? Remember how the voice dubbed for young Mr. Howard felt unnatural? Me too.

Apparently Supernova thinks that odd combination of traits is exactly what they want in a new lead singer. That's right, Supernova chose the one remaining artist who would disuade me from purchasing their upcoming CD, Lukas Rossi. The only way I will buy the CD is if I drink too much tranya myself.

That's right...no Magni (boo!), no Dilana, and no Toby. Go to the 664th level of the abyss Supernova, or better yet the 666th level, because that's where I predict your CD will go...straight to the bottom.

The internet vs. T.V.

Television has, for me, jumped the shark. If a show is really good I can get it on DVD (and sometimes even when its not so good), clips of popular shows can be had via places like iFilm and YouTube, and now they even have epsiodes you can download into your iPod (heck, the Boo watches the latest episodes of Spongebob and the Fairly Odd Parents on Nick.com). Given that none of these mediums require that you stop every few minutes for commericals, nor that you sign up for TiVo, and given that the average person only has so many viewing hours, how many people out there are still watching T.V. that are internet/tech savvy?

I was just curious, because I never seem to even find the time to watch my stack of DVDs that I want to watch, much less browse television, but everyone in our college classes seem to have these laundry lists of television shows that they watch, even when they don't like them very much. Which is really surprising given that all these people go to work 40+ hours a week and go to school full time. Any thoughts from out there in T.V. Land?

The Temeraire Novels are Coming to the Big Screen

One of the most exciting Fantasy book series released this year was Naomi Novik's Temeraire collection. Earlier this year, the first three books in the series were released within one month of each other giving the series a nice movie serial/television show feel. I found it novel that I didn't have to wait the requisite 1 to 2 years between novels of a series, a fact that usually keeps the first book of a series unread on the shelf until sufficient sequels arrive and has led to me purchasing books I otherwise wouldn't. Nothing worse, as a reader, than waiting for a trilogy to finish, buying all the books, only to discover that the first book is aweful, all the while having waited 6 years before beginning the journey.

Novik's publisher didn't make me wait and I read the first book, His Majesty's Dragon, as soon as I bought it. I then waited with baited breath for the next two books. The series is a combination of traditional fantasy elements (dragons) with the Napoleonic nautical conflict of a Horatio Hornblower novel. If you love Dragons and cannon fire, these books are for you. It should be noted that while there are three books currently available, the series is not a trilogy and should continue in the near future. Yes, that probably means waiting the obligatory 1 to 2 years for sequels, but at least there are already three entertaining books out.

According to Novik's livejournal blog, and the Hollywood Reporter, Peter Jackson has optioned the movies for production. I can hardly wait!

Exploring the Supernatural, or Exploiting the Gullible?

The 19th Century, much like today, was a time when many were obsessed with the supernatural and wanted "proof" of life after death. There were, and are, many in the marketplace who address this obsession with either products or promises. Turn on the television tonight and you can watch a Medium talk with the dead or a "Psychic Detective" solve crimes in Santa Barbara. There are still people like John Edward who are willing to exploit people's personal loss for financial gain, using chicanery to simulate "abilities".

What separates the 19th century from today, and I think makes it an era with richer narrative potential when it comes to supernatural stories, is that it was a time (like the 1970s I guess) when scientists -- you know the empirical people -- and magicians examined the claims of the paranormal. Deborah Blum has an interesting book covering the investigations of William James and his friends entitled Ghost Hunters and fiction author Sax Rohmer's nonfiction book The Romance of Sorcery is a wonderful glipse into one member of the Golden Dawn's attempt to study the occult in a semi-scholarly fashion.

In the late 19th century, stage magic was at a pinnacle not seen since, except in Vegas, and you have room for narrative mystery. Modern science has taken the mystery out of many paranormal claims, and we are better societally for it, but it is still fun to tell tales of ghosts and sorcerers and the Victorian era makes such a wonderful backdrop.

This is why I am excited to see The Illusionist tonight, why I read Christopher Priest's The Prestige (I reviewed the book here), and why I look forward to the upcoming film version of the Priest book.

Speaking of the Victorian Era, "tricks," and ghosts, the Stephen Cohen Gallery in Los Angeles is showcasing the works of many "spirit" photographers from the late 19th and early 20th century in their Immaterial World exhibit. The Stephen Cohen Gallery is located at 7358 Beverly Blvd. and the exhibit is open 11 am to 6 pm Tuesdays through Saturdays. The exhibit begins September 7th and ends November 11. I am excited to visit the exhibit, but a part of me finds it appropriate that the exhibit closes on Narrentag (Fool's Day).

Crickey!

Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, died today due to wounds caused by a Stingray.

Nell Minow (aka The Movie Mom), Joe Bob Briggs, and the Death of Fun

January 15, 1982 was more than the 55th anniversary of the Black Dahlia killing, it also saw the birth of the first Joe Bob Briggs drive-in movie review. The 80's were the decade that the culture wars really took root in the American psyche and Joe Bob jumped into the fray head first. Joe Bob came armed with a sharp sense of humor and a vast knowledge of blood, breasts, and beasts.

December 1984 Tipper Gore, according to her book Raising PG Kids in an X-Rated Society, purchased Purple Rain by Prince for her then 11-year old daughter. Four months after Tipper Gore purchased the Prince CD, Joe Bob Briggs was fired from the Dallas Times Herald due to protests of a spoof version of "We are the World" called "We are the Weird." The events are not directly related, nor is the fact that both Raising Kids and Joe Bob's Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In were published in 1987. But these events do show the power that the culture wars hold on our collective consciousness.

The culture wars are an interesting phenomenon where political opponents on one issue can be the staunchest allies on another issue. This is especially true whenever "what is best for the kids" comes into the picture. People who might attack one another, if not for the intervening presence of police, during a protest/support rally at an abortion clinic find often find themselves agreeing about how movie X, or song Y, are the root cause of all the shenanigans teenagers are getting themselves into today. Ask an anti-abortion Baptist, or a liberal Sociologist, about the nefarious influence of Hip Hop and you'll get the same response. The critics might use a different vocabulary, but the critique is the same. It is the same old story that has been handed down since the Waltz, Ragtime, and Rock n' Roll. As the reverend in Footloose might say, "It's the Devil's music." Or as Theodor Adorno might say, "It is a vulgar manipulation of the youthful proletariat."

Today, the culture wars are alive and well. This morning NPR hosted an interview with Nell Minow (aka The Movie Mom). Minow has written a book about how parents can become more involved with their children's movie choices. Shades of Tipper and the PMRC? In the NPR interview Minow discussed how the PG rated Material Girls starring the "Duff Sisters" was inappropriate for children. Minow was especially disturbed by Hilary Duff's imitation of Erin Brocovich and the inclusion of prostitution in the narrative. According to Minow, sexual innuendo doesn't belong in a movie rated appropriate for 2nd and 3rd graders. I think I agree with her that overt sexual innuendo might be inappropriate for 7 and 8 year olds, but I was taken aback when she said that PG movies were for 2nd and 3rd graders. That's right, Nell Minow believes that PG (Parental Guidance) describes a movie that should be appropriate for 2nd and 3rd graders. Don't believe me? Listen to the interview. I thought the words "Parental Guidance suggested" meant parental guidance suggested and not, "send your 7 and 8 year-olds alone to this picture before reviewing it yourself."

Here is how the MPAA, the ratings body, describes a PG movie.

This is a film which clearly needs to be examined by parents before they let their children attend. The label PG plainly states parents may consider some material unsuitable for their children, but leaves the parent to make the decision. Parents are warned against sending their children, unseen and without inquiry, to PG-rated movies. The theme of a PG-rated film may itself call for parental guidance. There may be some profanity in these films. There may be some violence or brief nudity. However, these elements are not considered so intense as to require that parents be strongly cautioned beyond the suggestion of parental guidance. There is no drug use content in a PG-rated film. The PG rating, suggesting parental guidance, is thus an alert for examination of a film by parents before deciding on its viewing by their children. Obviously such a line is difficult to draw. In our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement. As long as parents know they must exercise parental responsibility, the rating serves as a meaningful guide and as a warning. (emphasis mine)

I may be wrong here, but "There may be some violence or brief nudity" is a pretty clear statement that doesn't imply the film is alright for 2nd and 3rd graders. I might concede that the MPAA, by having a PG-13 rating at all, is doing the public a disservice, but there is no way that PG means "okay for little Timmy." Add to this the shock that Minow has that Hilary Duff, little Lizzy Maguire, is starring in a film with sexual innuendo, and I think that Minow doesn't live in the same world as I do, or she isn't paying attention. Sure Duff was Lizzy, but she is also (at least for now) dating Joel Madden of the pop-punk band "Good Charlotte." I think she might be at that stage where she is trying to live down her "good girl" image, but that could just be me.

The "worried" side of the culture wars are alive and well in 2006, but what about the humorous defender Joe Bob Briggs? What has he been up to lately? He's written two excellent books, Profoundly Disturbing and Profoundly Erotic. These books are insightful and detailed scholarly glimpses into the history of "shocking" cinema. Joe Bob has even had an article about the "star" of the porn film Deep Throat published at National Review Online. These works by Joe Bob Briggs are all informative, they are also well written, but none of them are funny. These are not the Joe Bob I know and love. I shouldn't love the funny Joe Bob since according to his criteria I am ineligible to vote in the Hubbies (the Drive-In Academy Awards). My ownership of "Police" CDs makes me a Communist in the old Joe Bob's world. But I think the new Joe Bob might want to discuss how the "Police" fuse Ska and Rock with Punk sensibilities. Joe Bob Briggs has become more like his Bruce Banner-esque alter ego John Bloom than the Joe Bob I know and love. John Bloom, the Vanderbilt honors graduate, might write the following sentence, "Chain Saw was the first baby-boomer shocker, in which pampered but idealistic suburban children, distrustful of anyone older than thirty, are terrorized by the deformed adult world that dwells on the grungy side of the railroad tracks." I cannot see Joe Bob, America's foremost expert on Drive-In movies, writing those words. No...Joe Bob would write, "We all have our favorite scenes in Saw. I guess mine is when the cannibal family tries to feed Marilyn Burns to Grandpa, but Grandpa's too weak to suck through a straw or lift his dinner hammer high enough to crush her brain into potato salad."

The voices, and critiques, by the "worried" side of the culture wars haven't changed over the years. They are still genuinely worried about children and so their arguments remain the same. The defenders of schlock have changed though. Joe Bob isn't as funny as he used to be, now he publishes books that have academically insightful commentary about the films the "worried" side worry about. No longer is Saw "a national symbol of everything that had gone wrong with American culture." Now it has cultural significance and, "has become America's cultural shorthand for perversity, moral decline, and especially the corruption of children." Joe Bob wouldn't even know how to spell perversity.

I like John Bloom a lot, and I think you should read his books. But I do miss Joe Bob, he would know what to say to Nell that would put her in a murderous rage. He might say something like, "I wanted to tell you that I do NOT subscribe to filth and violence. I buy it off the newstand."